Tag: child loss

My Body Isn’t Broken: A Real Story About PCOS, Loss, and Finding Hope

Published on by Nicole, RN1 Comment

Have you ever felt like you’re fighting a battle with your own body that no one else understands?

Maybe for you, it was a diagnosis that seemed to come out of nowhere and changed everything. Maybe it was a long and frustrating cycle of dieting that always left you feeling worse than before. Or maybe it was a season of life—grief, stress, change—that took its toll, emotionally and physically, and you haven’t truly felt like yourself since.

If you’ve ever felt that way, I want you to know I see you. Because for me, it was all of the above. So many of you have seen my journey, but I wanted to share the real story behind it.

My Story Started Long Before the Scale

My relationship with my body was complicated from the start. Growing up, I was a product of 90s starvation diet culture, where being “skinny” was the goal, no matter how unhealthy the methods were.

In my early 20s, I was diagnosed with PCOS, and we began a long and painful journey to start our family. That journey included nine pregnancies. It’s still hard to type that number. Over several years, we experienced the heartbreak of three infant losses and six miscarriages. My body went through an absolute warzone of hormones, grief, emotional eating, and medical interventions like magnesium drips that caused insane fluid retention.

10 years ago at 30 weeks pregnant – yes THIRTY – we don’t make small babies

My Metabolism Had Officially Quit

By the time that chapter of our lives closed, my body felt completely foreign. It felt broken. My metabolism, for all intents and purposes, was non-existent. The old “calories in, calories out” formula was a joke. I once gained 20 pounds in three months from having one soda a month, with absolutely no other changes to my diet. It felt like I was being punished by my own body, and I was starting to believe I’d never have control again.

Finding Hope in Science

The turning point for me was realizing I didn’t need another diet; I needed a different set of tools. I started researching and learning about how my hormones and metabolic system were truly functioning (or not functioning). This is what led me to GLP-1 medications and peptides, like the ones I now get from Ellie MD.

For the first time, it felt like I wasn’t fighting my body anymore. Instead, I was giving it the support it needed to finally work with me. This was the useful, science-backed information I needed to finally find hope again.

This Isn’t Diet Culture – It’s Health

For the first time in my adult life, I have reached a healthy weight, and I’ve done it the HEALTHY way. There is no starvation here. In fact, I eat MORE now than I did before my journey began. The difference is that I’m making better choices, and my body is able to properly use the fuel I give it. This isn’t about fitting into a certain size; it’s about having the energy to live my life, feeling confident in my skin, and knowing I’m nourishing my body.

You’re Not Broken, and You’re Not Alone

I’m sharing all of this because I know how lonely that battle can feel. For years, I thought my body was broken beyond repair. If any part of my story sounds like your own, I just want you to know I see you, and you are not alone. Your story is valid.

If you’re curious and want to know more about the science-backed solutions that helped me, please feel free to leave a comment below. Let’s talk.

How Did I Get Here? My Journey Through PCOS, Loss, and Finding Myself Again

Published on by Nicole, RNLeave a comment

Let me take you back to 2001. I was 18 years old, navigating life as best I could, and decided to switch to the Depo-Provera shot. At the time, I was at my smallest size ever—a size 0. Don’t get too impressed, though. It wasn’t healthy, and even then, I was at the upper limits of a “normal BMI.” That’s when I realized BMI is absolute nonsense. (Seriously, who came up with that?!)

What I didn’t know then was that I had undiagnosed PCOS—a condition that really doesn’t get along with Depo-Provera. Within 72 hours of my first shot, I gained 15 pounds. Not kidding. I woke up, and the shorts I had just bought two weeks earlier didn’t fit. Over the next three months, while that shot coursed through my system, I packed on another 15-20 pounds. My doctor reassured me, saying the weight would “come right off” after a few months. Spoiler alert: It didn’t.

By nine months in, I’d gained over 30 pounds and was an emotional wreck. My cycle—already chaotic—was worse than ever. So, we ditched Depo-Provera and went back to traditional birth control. The weight stayed put, and I started experiencing other symptoms of PCOS, though I wouldn’t get an official diagnosis until 2006.

The Diagnosis That Changed Everything

Fast forward to 2006. I was 22 years old, newly diagnosed with PCOS and pre-diabetes. My husband and I decided to start trying for a baby earlier than planned, knowing infertility might be an uphill battle. What we didn’t expect was my atypical version of PCOS. Instead of struggling with infertility, I had hyperfertility. It really does only take one time, folks, and birth control is not foolproof.

But PCOS wasn’t the only challenge we faced. That same year, after three heartbreaking miscarriages, we discovered a genetic condition—one that gave our babies a 50/50 chance of inheriting not one but two rare syndromes. This discovery would shape our future in ways we couldn’t have imagined.

The Losses That Shaped Me

In 2009, after a whirlwind of deployments, cross-country moves, and life transitions, we welcomed our son, Anthony Maddox, on January 4, 2010. Born at 35 weeks, he carried the weight of those two syndromes and left us too soon, soaring to heaven the same day. I turned to old, unhealthy habits to cope, dropping from 155 to 135 pounds in a haze of grief.

Over the next few years, we endured more losses, including our daughter Avery Shea, who blessed us with 12 beautiful days in 2012, and our youngest son, Richard Franklin, who fought valiantly but passed on February 18, 2016. Each loss came with its own struggles, including weight fluctuations, emotional eating, and the added challenges of gestational hypertension.

Finding My Way Back to Health

By 2022, my health had hit rock bottom. My weight peaked at 209 pounds, and my hypertension was out of control. Every attempt to lose weight was met with failure—five pounds off, ten pounds back on. Keto? Tried it. Lost 25 pounds, gained it all back. COVID and DoorDash? Yeah, they didn’t help either.

Then, in October 2023, everything changed. I started my GLP-1 journey at 192.6 pounds. For the first time in years, I felt like I had a real fighting chance. These medications, combined with lipotropic + B12 injections, Sermorelin, and a lot of determination, helped me break through the barriers PCOS had thrown my way.

Where I Am Today

Thirteen and a half months later, I’m at my lowest weight since starting the Depo-Provera shot—129.4 pounds. I’ve lost over 63 pounds, conquered my insulin resistance (bye-bye, pre-diabetes!), and finally feel like I’m in control of my health.

If you’re struggling, I want you to know you’re not alone. PCOS is a beast, but with the right tools and support, you can overcome it. If you’re curious about GLP-1 medications or need a cheerleader to help you along the way, let me know. I’m here for you!

Ready to start your journey?
✨ Click here to learn about my secret weapon.
✨ Want a health coach who’s been through it all? Send me a message—I gotchu!

Let’s rewrite your story together.

Want to watch my face transform after losing over 63lbs? Watch the video below.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTYNsV8TP/

A Wave of Light: Honoring Our Little Angels

Published on by Nicole, RNLeave a comment
@nicoleinscrubs19

Tomorrow at 7 PM in every time zone, join me in lighting a candle for my angels, Anthony Maddox, Avery Shea, Richard Franklin, and the six babies I lost to miscarriage. 💔 The Wave of Light is a global moment to honor the little ones gone too soon. Let’s light the way for our angels and let their love shine across the world. ✨ #waveoflight #InfantLoss #miscarriage #stillborn

♬ Never Not Remember You – Cooper Alan

Tomorrow, October 15th, marks a profoundly significant moment for families around the globe who have endured the heart-wrenching loss of a pregnancy or infant. At 7pm local time in every corner of the world, candles will be lit in a harmonious Wave of Light. This gesture serves as a collective act of remembrance, spreading warmth, understanding, and solidarity across communities.

As the mother of three precious babies now in heaven—Anthony Maddox, Avery Shea, and Richard Franklin—along with six miscarriages, this day carries an ineffable significance. Each of these beautiful souls has left an indelible mark on my heart, shaping my journey in ways words often fail to capture.

The Wave of Light is more than just a commemoration; it is a celebration of love and the cherished memories of children who brought immense joy, albeit briefly. It’s a beacon of hope, a symbol of resilience, and a gentle reminder that we are not alone in our grief.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day began as a recognition of this particular type of grief, which is often endured quietly and privately. Through initiatives like the Wave of Light, we are encouraged to share our stories and connect with others who intimately understand the complex path of healing after such profound loss.

Lighting a candle tomorrow evening at 7pm holds a dual meaning. It serves to honor the memories of our departed children, and it illuminates the path forward, building a supportive community where bereaved parents can find comfort and companionship. The flickering glow of each candle symbolizes the eternal place our children hold in our hearts; their light never truly extinguished.

For those who will join in this wave, take a moment to pause, reflect, and remember. Think of Anthony Maddox, Avery Shea, Richard Franklin, and all the tiny fighters who left us far too soon. Share their names, share your stories, and allow the world to recognize the depth of your love and the vitality of the memories you hold dear.

In participating, we unite in empathy and compassion. We affirm that while our children were fleeting gifts, their impact is everlasting. As the Wave of Light circles the globe, it serves as a beacon of collective support, reminding each of us that we stand stronger together.

Let us bask in the glow of this shared remembrance, allowing it to comfort our hearts and illuminate our path forward. Together, we keep their memories alive, caring for one another with the warmth and love that only a parent can truly understand.

To my precious angels and all the babies in heaven, you are eternally loved and cherished. And to every parent walking this difficult journey, may the light of tomorrow night bring you peace and solace.